Author: Joel D Canfield

If I Had a Million Dollars

Posted on by Joel D Canfield

intro G D C x4

G D C
If I had a million dollars (If I had a million dollars)
Well, I’d buy you a house, (I would buy you a house)
And if I had a million dollars (If I had a million dollars)
I’d buy you furniture for your house (Maybe a nice chesterfield or an ottoman)
And if I had a million dollars (If I had a million dollars)
Well, I’d buy you a K-car (A nice reliant automobile)
G D C D
And if I had a million dollars, I’d buy your love.

C D G Em C
(If I had a million dollars) I’d build a tree fort in our yard
D G Em C
(If I had a million dollars) You could help, it wouldn’t be that hard
D G
(If I had a million dollars) Maybe we could put, like, a
Em C D
little tiny fridge in there somewhere……

(in which we talk about the fridge and what we would find in it)

G D C G D C

G D C
If I had a million dollars (If I had a million dollars)
Well, I’d buy you a fur coat (But not a real fur coat, that’s cruel)
And if I had a million dollars (If I had a million dollars)
Well, I’d buy you an exotic pet (Yep, like a llama, or an emu)
And if I had a million dollars (If I had a million dollars)
Well, I’d buy you John Merrick’s remains (Ooh, all them crazy elephant bones)
And if I had a million dollars, I’d buy your love.

C D G Em C
(If I had a million dollars) We wouldn’t have to walk to the store
(If I had a million dollars) We’d take a limousine cause it costs more
D G Em C D
(If I had a million dollars) We wouldn’t have to eat Kraft Dinner……

intro x2

G D C
If I had a million dollars (If I had a million dollars)
Well, I’d buy you a green dress (But not a real green dress that’s cruel)
If I had a million dollars (If I had a million dollars)
Well, I’d buy you some art (A Picasso, or a Garfunkel)
If I had a million dollars (If I had a million dollars)
Well, I’d buy you a monkey (Haven’t you always wanted a monkey?)
G D C D
If I had a million dollars, I’d buy your love.

C D G Em C
(If I had a million dollars) If I had a million dollars
(If I had a million dollars) If I had a million dollars
D G Em C D G
If I had a million d – o – l – l – a – r – s, I’d be rich

new instrumentals 2024

Posted on by Joel D Canfield

Under Spanish Skies

Bumblebee in the Meadow

banjo tune

A Slice

Dark Thrash 1 in F-sharp

Fresh Peaches

Now I Must Go

Sadder Day

Dark Thrash 2 in A minor

Star

That Surfing Jazz

When You Fly

Dark Thrash 3 in C

Quiet in the Dark

Snow

Welcome to the World

Posted on by Joel D Canfield

E A
bass
7th fret A string
7th fret E string

welcome to the world, kid
you look just like your folks
I know it’s way too early
to start in with the jokes
so I’ll save ’em for later
when it’s just you and me
talkin bout the time
when we’ll run away to sea

your parents are the ones
who’ll have to play it straight
teach you right and wrong
and not let you skate
when you try to take a shortcut
or get around the rules
or get to hanging out with
them troublemaking fools

but me, I get to do
all the old man stuff
you do with all your grandkids
when they’re big enough
we’ll prob’ly get in trouble
your folks will get real tired
of our shenanigans
but at least I can’t be fired

I’ll show you how to skip a rock
out across the water
and we’ll get a little boat
for when the weather’s hotter
and when the nights are cool
we’ll stay up all night long
and I’ll teach you how to make a fire
and how to write a song

and how to sing with all your heart
and how to play guitar
and how to use a compass
to find out where you are
we’ll build a treehouse hideout
for when we’re on the run
because Somebody’s folks caught us
having too much fun

but they’ll know you’re always safe
whenever you’re with me
they’ll know it’s just about
the safest place that you could be
and you’ll know even when I’m old
and grey as I can be
the monsters and the dragons
will know not to mess with me

so take it slow growing up
I’ll be here when it’s time
for one big long adventure
pretended life of crime
and if you ever have
a sister or a brother
the three of us will terrorize
your father and your mother

so welcome to my world, kid
welcome to the show
welcome to the kind of nonsense
every kid should know
welcome to the fun and games
and learning with no end
welcome from an old grey man
who’ll be your bestest friend

I Try to Be Patient

Posted on by Joel D Canfield

capo 4

C Am F G
back when we started on down this long road
we knew that the end was near
C Am F C
we skipped a few steps and gave up some things
we knew it was almost here

kept ourselves ready for what was ahead
right up around the next bend
but here we are now fifty years on
hoping that we’ll see the end
  chorus

some things just take as long as they take
some things you just can’t hurry
they matter too much to skip any steps
so we might as well try not to worry
  chorus bridge

C Am F G
driver’s up front both hands on the wheel
got this trip well in hand
C Am F C
we’ll sit in the back for as long as it takes
till we get to where we all had planned
  chorus

C Am F C
back when we started on down this long road
we knew that the end was near

 chorus
F C
I try to be patient, been waiting so long
F G
I try to be patient, I try to be strong
F C
I try to be patient like I been told
G
but it feels like nothing is changing
C
except I’m getting old

F
don’t want you thinking I’ve given up
C
come to the end of my rope
F
the harder it gets the harder I’ll try
G
tie a knot and hang on and hope
C Am
E C#
back when we started on down this long road
F G
A B
we knew that the end was near
C Am
E C#
we skipped a few steps and gave up some things
F C
A E
we knew it was almost here

kept ourselves ready for what was ahead
right up around the next bend
but here we are now fifty years on
hoping that we’ll see the end

chorus

E C# A B E C# A E
some things just take as long as they take
some things you just can’t hurry
they matter too much to skip any steps
so we might as well try not to worry

chorus

bridge

E C# A B E C# A E
driver’s up front both hands on the wheel
got this trip well in hand
we’ll sit in the back for as long as it takes
till we get to where we all had planned

chorus

E C# A E
back when we started on down this long road
we knew that the end was near

 chorus
F C
A E
I try to be patient, been waiting so long
F G
A B
I try to be patient, I try to be strong
F C
A E
I try to be patient like I been told
G
E B
but it feels like nothing is changing
C
E
except I’m getting old

F
A A
don’t want you thinking I’ve given up
C
E E
come to the end of my rope
F
A A
the harder it gets the harder I’ll try
G
B B B B BBBB
tie a knot and hang on and hope

The Ugliest Fish

Posted on by Joel D Canfield
If you were the ugliest fish in the sea
That would only increase your appeal to me
Epipelagic depths I would go to
Cause I love you and you know too

some fish sound like they were named by a kid
like cookie cutter sharks and strawberry squid
dunno what an oarfish or barreleye does
and it really doesn’t matter because

If you were the ugliest fish in the sea
That would only increase your appeal to me
Mesopelegic depths I would go to
Cause I love you and you know too

bridge
You seem to be fascinated by everything fishy
slimy glowing tentacled transparent and generally squishy.
Even ugly creatures need love,
so I refer you to the chorus above

If you were the ugliest fish in the sea
That would only increase your appeal to me
Ridiculous depths I would go to
Cause I love you and you know too

some might say you’re cute as a button
but cremini that ain’t nuttin’
including shiitake because I can
if there’s a morel it’s nothing more than

 If you were the ugliest fish in the sea
That would only increase your appeal to me
Bathypelagic depths I would go to
Cause I love you and you know too

Making pizza or a salad
Some toppings are invalid but
If you’re fun gal you should be invited
And that’s why I have decided

If you were the ugliest fish in the sea
That would only increase your appeal to me
Abyssopelagic depths I would go to
Cause I love you and you know too

bridge
what would you name the ugliest fish in the sea?
Salmon or Gillfunkel, maybe Moby
or Sushi or Chowder or Taco or Stew
though I’m pretty sure we’d never do that to you

If you were the ugliest fish in the sea
That would only increase your appeal to me
Hadal zones that I would go to
Cause I love you and you know too

If you were the ugliest fish in the sea
That would only increase your appeal to me
O the depths I would go to
Cause I love you and you know too

Get ‘Em While They’re Hot!

Posted on by Joel D Canfield

1 4 5 in D

Cowboys life is tough
Sitting in the saddle all day
Ropin and ridin and herdin
Ain’t all yippikiyay
End of the day yer dragging
Hard to muster a smile
Cookies always got something
Makes ridin herd worthwhile

chorus
Big old plate of beans
Really hits the spot
Fry ‘em up with bacon grease
Get them while they’re hot

sometimes he makes biscuits
biscuits sure are great
tasty little morsels good for
mopping up yer plate
Sunday morning flapjacks
while someone quotes the Book
he keeps a jug of syrup
that’s why we love our cook

chorus

coffee black and hot
really can’t go wrong
fresh pot every time we stop
keeps us going strong
can’t forget the bacon
flavors up the beans
the ladies all like bacon too
and you know what that means → Do You Like Bacon?

what kind of day

Posted on by Joel D Canfield

Bb C F
get up every morning and put on my shirt and pant
down to the table for egg and toast and tea
put on my sock and shoe and head out the door
dive into the day to see what kind of day it’ll be

slip behind the wheel fire up Betty Lou
just an old Beetle but we get from B to A
looking sharp in new sunglass and haircut
pootle along with a song on another day

C F
I cook with a tong, eat with a chopstick
cut coupon with scissor to save a few cent
Bb C F Bb
pretend to wonder what it was that happened
don’t need a binocular to see why you went

errand run and had some fun on the coast
heading home I turn on my headlight
park at the curb and pat Betty Lou on the head
swap shoe for slipper and settle down for the night

get up every morning and put on my shirt and pant
down to the table for egg and toast and tea
put on my sock and shoe and slip through the door
out for the day to see what kind of day it’ll be
out for the day with just I myself and me
out for the day to see what kind of day it’ll be

Taylor Swift

Posted on by Joel D Canfield

an unfinished masterpiece. yes, I had a strange and slightly disturbing dream.

I don’t know why I dream the kind of things I do
who can fathom the unconscious mind?
despite all their degrees and studying and science
they haven’t yet convinced the sleeping secrets to unwind

they say dreams can teach you something about life
this morning what I learned was all about my wife

you kiss way better than Taylor Swift
maybe it’s the practice, maybe it’s a gift
I hope that you don’t take this wrong
hope you don’t get miffed
but you kiss way better than Taylor Swift

while you sleep your brain is cleaning up its house
flushing out the nonsense and sludge
now maybe that’s the reason my dreams are full of junk
I try real hard to let ’em go, try hard not to judge

but while you’re in the middle it always seems so real
and lest you get the wrong impression this is how I feel

you kiss way better than Taylor Swift
maybe it’s the practice, maybe it’s a gift
I hope that you don’t take this wrong
hope you don’t get miffed
but you kiss way better than Taylor Swift

now you know I know you know that I’m joking
dreams are just the dust of tidying your brain
we both know the we belong together
in case somebody missed it I’d like to say it plain

when I’m asleep at night I ain’t the driver of that bus
it’s all a lot of nonsense, and between the two of us

you kiss way better than Taylor Swift
maybe it’s the practice, maybe it’s a gift
I hope that you don’t take this wrong
hope you don’t get miffed
and there’s no rift
we haven’t tiffed
I don’t get biffed
I’ll make a shift
now that I’ve riffed
you get my drift
it’s just your gift
but you kiss way better than Taylor Swift

Nothing

Posted on by Joel D Canfield

D E
you were all I ever wanted
G D
but you never wanted me
you’re long gone but I’m haunted
haunted by your memory

been too long and I’m crying
’cause I can barely remember your face
I lay awake and keep on trying
trying to find a trace

nothing means nothing
nothing means anything at all
nothing’s all should have expected from you
nothing, that’s all

I thought that I could make you love me
I tried so hard to catch your eye
I knew I knew I knew I knew you were thinking of me
and I’ll think of you till I die

 nothing means nothing
nothing means anything at all
nothing’s all should have expected from you
nothing, that’s all

G D
love will take your mind
love will take your soul
love can be so unkind
G A
love can make you lose control

no bass
nothing means nothing
nothing means anything at all
E
nothing’s all should have expected from you
G D
nothing, that’s all
nothing, that’s all
nothing